The Worst Albums...
At Amanda's request, I thought I'd try a worst albums post. Same deal as the best albums game, just the opposite pick. I'll start with some easy ones and see how it goes:
- Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour. It falls between the excitment of Revolver and the polish of Sgt Peppers. There's a lot of great stuff on the album, but it's a bit erratic for the Beatles.
- The Clash - Cut the Crap. I'm cheating a little bit here, because this was the Clash in name only, but it is a terrible record. If I had to pick a real Clash album it would be Sandinista, which is oddly their most under-rated album as well.
- Led Zeppelin - In Through the Out Door. I think this would be seen as a transitional album if it hadn't been for John Bonham's death making it their last, but it's a weak outing for them nonetheless.
- Pink Floyd - The Final Cut. It's just a little worse than the Wall. At least the Wall has a few good songs. Final Cut has zero.
- U2 - Zooropa. It's just an experiment gone awry. They should have scrapped it rather than releasing it.
- Prince - Pretty much the whole catalog is weak after Sign O the Times. I think I'll pick Batman though. There may be stuff that's worse, but I gave up listening after Grafitti Bridge or so and Batman was the lamest before I stopped caring.
- Beastie Boys - License to Ill. It's fun, but it's just a novelty.
- Ozzy - Ozzmosis. The album is as bad as the title. Besides, that's when they started manipulating his voice since he couldn't hit the notes he could before.
- Rolling Stones - Steel Wheels. For a band that hasn't done much but suck for 30 years, this album is a shining example of how much they can really suck when they put their minds to it.
- Ramones - They released the same album over and over again for 25 years. How could any of them suck?
posted by bob_vinyl at 10:48 AM
4 Comments:
The Beatles - Abbey Road: What kind of boneheads name an album after their recording studio? I don't see any albums out there called Hit Factory or A&M. And the foolishness doesn't end with the name of the album... these songs -- with one or two exceptions -- are the most trite and inane set of songs they ever released.
The Clash - It's tough, but I'd have to say The Clash. Its heart gets lost in all of the meandering political diatribes, and the musical ideas of the band weren't strong enough yet to carry a whole album. I choose this over Cut The Crap only because it strived for so much yet fell so short.
Led Zeppelin - Another tough choice, but after long consideration, I'd have to say III. It's still a good album, but all of the faeries, mysticism, and dwarves bring it closer to Ronnie James Dio than Lord of the Rings. Of course, Coda is the obvious choice, but I don't even count that as an album: it's more of a posthumous attempt by a label to grab some cash while the grabbin' is good.
Pink Floyd - Bob has been encouraging me to listen to Meddle, but when I finally did, I was almost offended at the hour of my life that he stole from me. This is drug-induced 70s' psychedelia at its absolute worst. I'd rather listen to David Gilmore's incessant wanking on the post-Roger Waters era albums than sit through this nonsense again.
U2 - Boy doesn't have the politics of War, the intelligence of The Unforgettable Fire, the heart of Joshua Tree, or the ambition of Achtung, Baby. I was going to pick Zooropa until I remembered just how boring Boy is.
Prince - Lovesexy: Anytime you can't get past the cover to actually hear the music, the artist has failed miserably.
Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique is supposedly the great Beastie's album but I just don't hear it. It's sophomoric tripe dressed up in pseudo-intelligent clothes. The first album is terrible but at least it didn't claim to be smart or experimental. They should have just called it, Paul's Kind of Insecure Because People Think He's a Dumb Party Animal So He's Going to Show Them All Just How Awesome He Really Is.
Ozzy - Diary of a Madman: "Oooooh, look at me, I'm dark and scary! I'm the Prince of Darkness! I worship the Devil! Fear me, fear me." Shut up, Ozzy, and go listen to Slipknot.
Rolling Stones - If Exile on Main Street had been a single album, it might have been listenable. As is, it's like sitting for two hours at the neighborhood bar, sober, as the incredibly annoying and stupid people around you become even more annoying and stupid as they proceed to get hammered.
Ramones - This one's tough for me to pick because they're all pretty terrible, but I listened to Road to Ruin on Bob's recommendation. Then I punctured my eardrums with a rusty screwdriver so I would never, ever have to endure that torture again. Horrible.
Okay, I wrote that last list especially for Bob. Here's my real list.
The Beatles - It's hard for me to pick a worst album by The Beatles. I recognize that none of them are "bad", but I don't like any of them. While Yellow Submarine is the obvious choice, today I'm in the mood to slaughter a sacred cow. I choose The Beatles. A handful of songs border on perfection, but most are bogged down by the band's consistent inability to successfully merge the simple and complex. "Happiness is a Warm Gun," like many Beatles songs that I almost like, starts strong then drifts to a place where it feels unfortunately overthought and overcomposed. Tracks like "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" and "Rocky Raccoon" are crushed under the weight of their own cleverness. Then there's "Revolution 9", a noble experiment that falls short. There's a place for intricate harmonies, dramatic chord progressions, sonic experimentation, and all of the other things that comprise "great" songwriting, but there's also a place for three chords and the truth. On this album more than any other, I think The Beatles forgot that.
The Clash - I don't know their catalog well enough to comment. I'd say Cut The Crap, but that's a cop-out because I've never actually gotten all the way through it.
Led Zeppelin - Dear God, did we really need a tedious 12-minute drum solo? (Hey, isn't saying "tedious 12-minute drum solo" redundant?) And "Dazed and Confused" was great without stretching into a boring 30-minute noodling session. The Song Remains The Same is not only a contender for the worst Zeppelin album, it's a contender for the worst live album.
Pink Floyd - I'd like to go after Saucerful of Secrets but it's a cheap shot on an album that is very important in the scope of the band's catalog. That leaves A Momentary Lapse of Reason as the obvious choice. I tried to like it, but it's just not good. Even the two good songs, "Learning to Fly" and "On The Turning Away", aren't strong enough to save it.
U2 - I tried really, really, really hard to like Zooropa. I listened to the album, I read the lyrics, I read the reviews, I watched the videos, I read the stories behind the album... I tried. But it's just not good. Every critic in the world claims it's brilliant, but they're wrong. It's not brilliant; it's mediocrity that is well-disguised as brilliance.
Prince - I still kind of like "Gett Off", but I can recognize that Diamonds and Pearls is a terrible album from start to finish. It's not sexy, it's not funky, it's not spiritual, it's not adventurous... it's not any of the things that made Prince great, and it's really obvious when you listen to this and one of his good albums back-to-back.
Beastie Boys - License to Ill. Rebellious party music for spoiled white kids who have no sense that there are problems in the world beyond the fact that daddy didn't let them go out with their friends last Friday night.
Ozzy - Is there a bad Ozzy album? I mean, Bark at the Moon is probably his worst, but it's still pretty good (at least as 80s metal goes). (I admit that I don't know his music from the last decade or so very well, so I may be blissfully unaware of a big stinker.)
Rolling Stones - I don't know their catalog well enough. I think I'd be safe in choosing anything -- or everything -- that came out after Tattoo You. If I were allowed to remove a handful of songs (like "Waiting on a Friend"), I could probably make an argument for anything after Exile on Main Street.
Ramones - Personally, I'd choose the whole danged catalog. Just throw 'em all out the window and make room for some good stuff.
Holy shit, how to follow Chuck? I bought into that first list and thought, goddamn, no wonder they spar all the time! :)
Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour. Me too. It's the only one I've only listened to a total of 4 times, while the other albums are played religiously.
The Clash - Cut the Crap. Agreed. Appropriately titled.
Led Zeppelin - In Through the Out Door. I'm going to have to defer once again to Bob...am I ass-kissing? The rest of the Zep catalog, not including any live stuff, is pretty much essential, even the often-panned Coda.
Pink Floyd - I might have to re-evaluate this one, but I listened to the entire Floyd catalog in one sitting one day and I recall More boring me to tears.
U2 - While everyone seems to unanimously slag Zooropa, I actually listen to it fairly often. To me it's Pop, which starts off well, then takes a potty break followed by an afternoon nap and forgets to get up and watch the afternoon installment of Sesame Street.
Prince - God, man, I'm forced to pick bad albums by my favorite musician and band? Well, that just sucks ass. I've kept the Prince faith over the years when everybody has trashed him, it seemed so surreal that Musicology restored him in people's eyes...if I'm forced at gunpoint, it would be to pick New Power Soul, which has a couple of really funky and kickass jams, but is flat for Prince overall. God, did I actually say that?
Beastie Boys - Some Old Bullshit. An even bigger novelty and released only to legitimize the Beasties as punk rockers before rappers. It's pretty much cacaphony otherwise.
Ozzy - Bark at the Moon has a few really good moments but pretty much tailspins uselessly overall.
Rolling Stones - Undercover. I will never forgive them for fucking with my head by putting stickers overtop the nude girl's privates on the cover, only the be the same damn picture as the sticker covering her. I've said fuck you to the Stones ever since! Notwithstanding their 60s and 70s catalog, which is hit and miss.
Ramones - I like Bob's spirit since The Ramones mean a great deal to me on a personal level. It saddens my heart to pick Animal Boy because there's some great pop punk tunes on it, but there's also some absolute dreck that is too embarassing to consider came out of these guys. "Hair of the Dog" alone...oh, the humanity! Someone yell 1, 2, 3, 4 please!
Funny that both Bob and Ray picked In Through the Out Door. Granted, it's got some bad moments, but "All of My Love" is a pretty spectacular song.
If I had to pick a studio album, I think I'd go with Presence. A neat album cover, but I never thought the content was all that notable. I'd love to hear differing opinions, though.
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